I completely understand how my mother felt towards my father.  Even before I typed this sentence I had to pause and think about where to start on this topic.  I’m angry, annoyed, and on the verge of tears.  I feel like I cannot breathe in this household.  I feel like I cannot breathe at school, in this town.  Every little bit of happiness I get in my head is about me not being here, and not being with anyone associated with my everyday life.  I cannot say that I dislike everyone in this town, then I would be lying.  It is the borderline truth though, with the exception of a handful of people.

But at this moment it is not about them.  I go off on a tangent a lot about the people here.

So back to my father.  I love him.  I just do not like him all the time.  I do get my space here, but I don’t.  He finds out things and I hate that.  I have packets of sleeping pills laying around my main bedroom, and my bathroom.  You know what this fucker does?  Looks up the name of the pills online to see what they were.  Last time I checked, as of the day before my eighteenth birthday, it was none of his damn business about the medication I take.  How creepy is that.. what normal person Googles random pills laying around?  Not a sane person.  I see him, and I see everything I don’t want to be.

Divorced.  Stuck to a computer. Completely alone with no social life.

I strive for none of that.  Yet I see how I treat people, how I push them away.. and I wonder if that’ll be me.  Pathetic.

I applied to another university that is about an hour and a half drive from my house.  I got accepted to their Honors College.  I’m pretty proud of that.  I haven’t told me father, about doing neither things.  I plan on driving there on the 28th of this month to talk to them about academic advising.  I feel like my efforts will go to waste.  I feel like I’m wasting time here.

This blog isn’t helping me vent at all.