School starts tomorrow. I am not exactly thrilled about it; but by no means am I dreading it. I know this semester will be better than the latter; however I do not want to get used to waking up everyday seeing people I do not care for. I do not want to get used to that again. I feel very alone attending that school; actually I feel alone period. I do however love it in a creepy way. Sometimes I’d rather be alone, in fact most of the time that is my preference. Then there are times I do not want to be and I feel like my options are less than acceptable. I flip through the numbers in my phone and I just do not see anyone I feel like ringing.
In eight hours I will be sitting in my first class in the Spring semester and I’m online blogging. I slept earlier because I was dead tired and could not keep my eyes open.
I have a billion things to say and right now if just feels like I’m trying to force this blog. This process right now is creating an irritation more than an outlet.
That feeling of something being inside of you that you have to let out.. is what I feel like at the moment. However I really don’t know where to begin. Prior to starting this blog I was reading in hopes that it would put me to sleep, but then my mind started to wander as I realized the part I was reading was going to turn into a boring sex story. It just didn’t keep my attention at the moment.. so my mind started drifting. I was thinking about a stranger. A man I have met once, and somehow he sticks with me. He was a sweetheart, and he left an amazing impression. A good thing about people like that is.. that’s all you have left lingering. That good memory. So my mind on occasion cooks up these possibilities.. these what if’s.. and I can’t help it! I feel like I’m thinking too much into something that isn’t there. I don’t like to be hopeful about these things.. I think the way my mind keeps wandering is actually pretty creepy. But like I said, can’t help it. If all goes well I’ll see this beautiful stranger in a little bit, for a short amount of time, but enough to make another impression that just might answer a few things I keep wondering about.
In other news, I campus toured this charming university that is about an hour and a half away from home. I really want to attend it for their applied behavior analysis program, the problem with that is my father will not pay for me to live there. So I will be making an attempt to save some money for a dorm room. I had a dream about this school.. well not this particular one, just another from my own. My dream was of me sitting under a short tree while studying or reading.. I’m completely determined to make that dream true. I’ll have to bust my ass to earn money for it, but it might be worth it. If I want it this badly, I know I’ll work at it.. I have to have something worth working for, and my education is my first priority at the moment.
